Sometimes, on really tough days, you feel the loneliest, so that is when I often pick up a book or search the internet just to feel a connection. Someone who “gets it”…. And this is what I found today.
The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck
Did you ever wonder how mothers of disabled children were chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over the earth selecting his instruments of propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
“This one gets a daughter. The Patron saint will be Cecelia”
“This one gets twins. The Patron saint will be Matthew”
“This one gets a son. The Patron saint…..give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity”
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a disabled child”.
The angel is curious. “Why this one God? She’s so happy”
“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a disabled child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel!”
“But has she patience?” asks the angel.
“I don’t want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of sorrow and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. I watched her today, she has that feeling of self and independence that is so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.”
“But Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you”
God smiles, “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect – she has just enough selfishness”
The angel gasps – “Selfishness? is that a virtue?”
God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally she won’t survive. Yes here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a ‘spoken word’. She will never consider any ‘step’ ordinary. When her child says “Momma” for the first time she will be present at a miracle and will know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see…ignorance, cruelty and prejudice…and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side”
“And what about her Patron saint?” asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air.
God smiles “A mirror will suffice”
I came across this yesterday on an Autism Mothers website and it made me cry. (Which is not that hard to do lately) Sometimes, on really hard days, weeks, or months, I need a boost in spirit. Holidays are particularly hard because of many factors. One big one being the lack of schedule or routine at home and even at school. Even for myself, learning a new routine since the passing of my grandmother in June and my daddy three years ago is difficult. (That one I think will always be hard no matter how much time has passed.) Not going to touch on that today too much.
Some people read essays like the one above and get angry questioning why God would even do this to a child to begin with. I choose not to look at it that way and instead gather strength from these words.
Just to clarify, I do not consider myself a saint by any means. Just a mama trying to do the best I can like most of you….so don’t praise me, please. Not that I don’t appreciate it. (I just don’t have the time this morning to list all the bad parenting acts that have occurred in the last 24 hours!!!!)
Let’s face it, God also sent me Wyatt because maybe he was used to profanity!!!